Before I continue updating my blog, I would love to wish everyone a " Happy Independent`s Day " and thank Adeline for the Independent`s Day`s night. =)



I have this feeling everyone is giving up on me. And this is not the first time.

It is funny how the chemistry I have with people I know is coming to an end, but when it comes to strangers, it is blooming. As you know, there is a thick line between both of these categories. A line that defines everything. Everything that answers my questions. What am I talking about? Maybe " Everything I Am Not " by The Veronicas is making me emotional. Or maybe I am just confessing.

Don`t get offended because I am going to be honest.

Significant other. I admit I used to played people`s heart, but I regretted it after witnessing the consequences where ex boyfriends spreaded rumours about me, but I am not that person who I used to be. I am that person who is looking for a serious relationship where I can see significant other and me in the future. Well, I am proud to say I am in a serious relationship with Gaius, but my seriousness leads me to a Blackhole Hell. When you are serious, everything matters. We had this huge fight last year, but we promised each other to let go of the past, but I broke it. Every time I think about it, I will start crying for hours. Don`t you just hate the past? Maybe the best way to forget the past is by letting go of Gaius, but I rather suffer from the past than letting go of something that I know I will regret doing it. Or maybe I should just keep quiet. Well, I guess the past leads me to who I am. The most paranoid person in the world. Because of paranoidness, we are having a hard time communicating. Well, I don`t know about him, but I am.

Family. When I was born, we were living in this old apartment that no one bothers to look at it for the second time where we were the happiest family in the world. =) After one year, we moved to this common house where everything was great. Just great. =) After ten years, we moved to this current house I am staying at where everyting is starting to fade away. Well, I guess the older you get, the looser the relationship between your family and you. All I want is to have a dinner with family in the dining room like how we used to have, but I don`t know when my dream will come true since everyone is busy with their life.

BFFs. Joanne, Sarah, Saktia and I were always together. The four of us only. Parties, sleepovers and recesses, but now, Saktia is with Su Ann and Sarah is with me. Well, we are still friends, but that feeling is not there anymore. To be honest, the relationship between Shivani and I is stronger than the relationship between Joanne, Sarah, Saktia and I. What can I say? I miss that feeling I used to felt. I remember how we used to promise each other we will stick to each other forever. Bullshit. How to do that when we already breaking up?

Look. I am sorry if I offended you, but I can`t measure up to this mess. I don`t have anyone to listen to my problems except my blog. After reading this post, don`t talk about it because I have enough. If you refused to, brain wash yourself.


Yesterday, I was talking to Gaius on the phone.

Gaius.: Dad bought me a pair of school shoes.
Me.: But you are going to graduate in three months time.
Gaius.: He is the one who wanted to buy me a pair of school shoes.
Me.: Okay.
Gaius.: Anyway, mom was showing me a pair of flipflops and she said she wanted to buy it for you, but I told her they are fugly.
Me.: OhmyGod. Did she buy it?
Gaius.: Yes, but I don`t know whether they are for you or not.
Me.: Ceh.

I hope Aunt Glory bought it for me. =) After all, I am her favourite daughter in law. =) Haha.

Gaius.: I want to go Christmas shopping with you.
Me.: How much your parents will give you?
Gaius.: RM 5oo.
Me.: I love you.

Look. Gaius is still schooling. Therefore, he is jobless. So it is hard for him to buy me expensive things,[ Su Ann, I hate you. -_- Haha. ] but who cares? I can`t wait to go Christmas shopping with him. =)

I love my life because I always get what I want like that digital camera, that high heels[ Sarah, stop being jealous of me. =) Haha. ] and that Converse handbag. Even though I didn`t get Saktia`s puppy, but at least I know dad wanted to buy it for me. =) Dad, thanks. =) Anyway, I want this. =)


I miss my long side parting fringe. It makes me look matured. What? I love matured looks. =) Anyway, if I told you I am going to cut my fringe, slap me. Ohwait. Don`t slap me because there is a higher chance I will slap you back because there is a higher chance I will forget I blogged about this.


Yesterday, Sarah came to my place for a sleepover.



I need a retail theraphy. Badly.

In case you don`t know, I was happy about buying Saktia`s puppy, but her dad sold it to another family. I felt like I just lost my child. I have this list of things I want to do with it like sleep together, bring it for a walk every evening[ I am not an active person. So now, you know why it means a lot to me. ] and feed it every three hours.[ I want it to be chubby. Like me. =) Haha. ] Every time I play with my puppies, it reminds me of Saktia`s puppy. So it doubles the pain. x Ouch. x

I am going to get myself a Converse handbag to replace Saktia`s puppy. =)


There are three things that I fear the most which are a broken heart, rejections and loneliness. Unfortunately, I am suffering from a broken heart. It hurts. A lot. I can tell when I am listening to " Best I Ever Had " by Vertical Horizon for uncountable to the power of uncountable times and I am still suffering from a broken heart. -_- All this time, this song is the cure for my broken heart, but I don`t know what happened. Maybe it is time for me to find a new song.[ If you had a song for your broken heart, tell me. I need it. Badly. ] Or maybe my broken heart is being too stubborn.

For now, I don`t trust anyone. Including my instincts. Don`t complain about whyIdon`ttrustyou to me. I am sick of it. All I want is a friend or stranger to listen to me. I don`t need your feedbacks. I am sick of it too. All I want you to do is to listen. I don`t mind if you were thinking about something else, but all I want to do is to express my feelings. I am sorry if I confused you, but I know you know what I mean. Well, I am a paranoid person. So it is hard for me to find a perfect friend or stranger because they are either think I am a problematical person or I am a cooocooo in the head person.

Trust is a sensitive issue that everyone should be alert about. Once you have trust in a certain person, you tend to give in, but once that person betrays your trust for them, it is more than pain. After I realized that trusting people easily is a mistake, I jumped to trusting certain people, but what I didn`t know is it is a mistake too. Well, it is time for me to trust no one. Maybe I will be happier that way. So much more happier. I don`t understand why people betray others` trust for them. Maybe it is a tradition. First, you trust them. Second, they betray your trust for them. Last, but not least, you go crash and burn. Misery, I tell you. It leads you to a feeling where it hurts you every second without failing. When time passed by, you are sitting in the corner trying to flashback to the past where your loves betrayed your trust for them, it still hurts. A lot. All this time, I thought that time heals a broken heart, but it doesn`t. The heartache still haunts you no matter how long time passes by. If you don`t believe me, try to flashback to the past where your significant other cheated on you or your friends backstabbed you.[ For your kind information, Gaius didn`t cheat on me and friends didn`t backstab me. ] Does it hurt? I bet it does.

I don`t need a nation of clowns to make me happy. All I need is one person to listen to my problems. <#3


I don`t know why, but I was hyper. =) I think I am suffering from hyperactive kinetic dissoder. =) Haha. Anyway, school was great. Just great. =) Fighting with invisible ninjas, annoying cousins and friends and calling strangers " Dumbass. ". =) Haha. During EST class, Sarah and I did a presentation on " Why Do People Fart? ". =) Well, everyone was laughing about it. =) When I was on the way to my place, an accident almost happen because of my boredom. =) Haha.

Me.: x Screaming. x Uncle Guna.
Uncle Guna.: x Stopped the van all of a sudden. x Why did you scream my name for?
Me.: Nothing.
Friends.: Haha.

Mom sent me to Sarah`s place. After that, Sarah and I went to Wangsa Cheras`s field to burn Sarah`s love. Because of my shade, I almost fell down. Because of the incident, I was so embarrassed that I hid behind the temple. -_- Haha. After that, we burned Sarah`s love. It was hard because it was a windy day, but it was all good. =)

I am a policewoman. So say you are a dumbass and take off your pants now. =)

After that, we went to Wajib because I wanted to buy lolipops, but God loves me so much that he matchmade this bubble blowing thingy and I. =) Because of Sarah`s nerdiness, we went to tuition early.[ To be honest, we were twenty minutes late, but it was early for us. =) Haha. ] Tuition was boring, but when we played the bubble blowing thingy, it was great. Just great. =) I gave the bubble blowing thingy to everyone. So everyone was bursting it into people`s faces. I burst it into Saktia`s, Faustina`s and Su Ann`s faces. =) Haha.


After that, I went back home. I told dad about Saktia`s puppies. He told me he will buy it for me. So family minus mom and I went to Saktia`s place to see the puppies. OhmyGod. They are cute, but obviously my puppies are cuter. =) Haha. Though, Saktia said she must ask her dad first. My heart was crashed when she told me that. So let`s cross our fingers and hope her dad will sell it to me. =)

P. S.: I know it is still early to name the puppy, but since dad is keeping a male puppy and I am going to buy a female puppy. I want to name them " Bonnie " and " Clyde ". =)


At this point, I am carefree. =) Fine. I am not. I don`t know why, but I am tension. I am tension about life, people who I love and what I am going to do when I grow up.

Some people see their life as a fairy tale, some don`t. Well, to me, I am in between of these two communities. I was listening to this old Chinese song that was playing in Uncle Wai`s car. The song was telling us about our life as a fairy tale. Some people care about the chapters, some care about the ending, but to me, I care about what happens after the ending. Am I going to remain the same or move on to another fairy tale? Well, I rather wait than knowing the future.


As you know, people who I love is Gaius, family[ Gaius`s side only. ] and friends. When these people are in trouble, it bothers me. A lot. Girlfriend is facing a problem. What bothers me the most is I can`t do anything about it since everyone is being such a bitch. Imagine I am a recluse. Life will be happier for me since I don`t have to worry about anything. So much more happier, but I have never think about living a life as a solo. They are too precious for me. =) Maybe it is not about the people who I love only, but the strangers who I see everyday too. Anonymous migratted to Idon`tknowwhere. Because of this incident, she was sad because she doesn`t want to leave her hubby, but it makes their love grows fonder. =) Their blogs are fulled with lovely words about each other. =) It proves that long distanced relationships do work. =) What can I say? Happiness is contagious. =)

When it comes to teenagers, the only thing they don`t know is who they are. I am Carmen Chan Kar Mun. I am sixteen years old. I am from Malaysia. Simple. That is all, but I don`t know who I am in the inside. Or what I am or will be doing. Or where I belong. Remind me why I am making this more complicated than it is again. Well, I am deseparate for the answer. The answer that destroys all the question marks in my mind.


As you know, my current addiction is summer dresses. =) If you didn`t know, yes, I love summer dresses. =) Now, the only thing I must do to complete my life is buy a summer dress, that Converse handbag, a shade,[ Phil, I love yours. =) ] and a pair of flipflop.

As I was browsing through Friendster, I saw these. =) I want them. =) Ohyeah. They are cheap. =)


Look at what I was wearing. I want them, but they are expensive. -_-


Look at Avril Lavigne`s handbag. I spent my life finding for that kind of handbag, but nothing is working. -_-




To that bitch who thinks I am a racist, stop spreading AIDS in United Kingdom. =) It is not that I am being racistish to your fake hubby, but everything you touch[ Or get fucked by. ] turns fugly. So now you know why I was being racistish to your fake hubby. Ohyeah. Stop putting makeups. It is not helping. You still look like my half dead dog`s ass. =) Haha. Bitch.

P. S.: You started this fight. So don`t tell me I started it first, but if you want to fight with me again, let me tell you something. I will win and you will lose. So there is no point of fighting with me again. =) Bitch.


There are three reasons why I am happy even though some motherfuckers jacked my Friendster and changed my email address and password.[ I am sad about it. So don`t talk to me about it unless your name is Gaius Christopher Thangarajan. ]

The first reason why I am happy is because I am the first person to wish Gaius luck for his exam. =) I know it is a foolish reason, but it means a lot to me. I want to be his first in everything. =) His first kiss, first person who he loses his virginity to,[ Haha. ] and first everything. =)

The second reason why I am happy is because of this.


This picture means a lot to me because Gaius is an Indian and I am a Chinese. As you know, I am known for hanging out with Indians which I don`t think there is something wrong with it, but narrow minded people like family, brothers` friends and strangers think there is. I hate it when they pick on colours. There is a quote from " Thirteen ". " If everyone married someone from a different race, then in one generation, there will be no more racism. ". To all the racists, take that. =)

The third reason why I am happy is because of " Hey There, Delilah " by White Plain Tees. It is a song for his wifey. I think. You will know what I love about this song if you read the lyrics. =) The lyrics are like a combination of lolipops, chocolates and candies. =) Sweet. =) I wonder why Gaius didn`t write lyrics about me. Fine. I think he did, but. I don`t know.





As you know, I am sisterless. Since parents are too old to give birth one for me, the best way to have a sister is by getting one. =) Now, I have three sisters. Well, one of them is unofficial, but it will be official sooner or later.

Sister in law, Shu. =) Well, she is Justin`s wifey. So that means she is the newest pig in the family. =) Haha. She is the one who I meant unofficial, but it will be official when I meet her. =)

Soul sister, Sarah. =) Well, we speak the same language. =) So that makes sense.

Ghetto sister, Yash. =) OhmyGod. She is my newfound love. =) Even though I don`t get along with people who are younger than me,[ Except Shivani. ] but I love her. =) I love it when she goes yomama. =) She is so. Gangsterish. =)

That is all. Now, I am going to have Shivani as my fairytale sister and Phil as my Iwillfigureitoutlater sister. =)


From my point of view towards the world, people are getting faker and faker everyday. Trying to be someone else. Lying about everything. Even the most unnecessary things. Backstabbing everyone. Every inch of truth is getting smaller and smaller. Next thing you know, truth is something that doesn`t exist anymore. I am not saying I am real because everyone is fake. To those who think they are real, stop living in denial. It is bad for your health.

It is the same case for sense of belonging. Remember how we made friends with others, but ended up fighting with them because of a bullshit thing? Remember how we jump from a clique to another because we always fight? Remember how we ended up being alone because there is no one wants to befriend us? Ohyes. It is all because of fakeness in all of us.


I hope that daughter of a bastard who is jealous of students with hair because she is bald rot and die in the Blackhole Hell. =)

I hope someone will tell Mrs. Hasmah this.
Even though my fringe,[ Hoooray for me because I got hair. =) ] eyebrow and socks got me into trouble, I still love them. =)


Since Classic Home Tuition hasn`t find a replacement for Chemistry teacher yet, I went to Sarah`s place. After that, we went to Wajib. After that, we went to Wangsa Cheras`s field. Wangsa Cheras`s field is the new Pink Heaven. =)

Something bad happened, but it is all good now. =) After that, we went for threading. OhmyGod. I love my eyebrow. =) After that, we went to tuition.