Head Over Heels, Heart Before Head.

29 August 2007 Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I have this feeling everyone is giving up on me. And this is not the first time.

It is funny how the chemistry I have with people I know is coming to an end, but when it comes to strangers, it is blooming. As you know, there is a thick line between both of these categories. A line that defines everything. Everything that answers my questions. What am I talking about? Maybe " Everything I Am Not " by The Veronicas is making me emotional. Or maybe I am just confessing.

Don`t get offended because I am going to be honest.

Significant other. I admit I used to played people`s heart, but I regretted it after witnessing the consequences where ex boyfriends spreaded rumours about me, but I am not that person who I used to be. I am that person who is looking for a serious relationship where I can see significant other and me in the future. Well, I am proud to say I am in a serious relationship with Gaius, but my seriousness leads me to a Blackhole Hell. When you are serious, everything matters. We had this huge fight last year, but we promised each other to let go of the past, but I broke it. Every time I think about it, I will start crying for hours. Don`t you just hate the past? Maybe the best way to forget the past is by letting go of Gaius, but I rather suffer from the past than letting go of something that I know I will regret doing it. Or maybe I should just keep quiet. Well, I guess the past leads me to who I am. The most paranoid person in the world. Because of paranoidness, we are having a hard time communicating. Well, I don`t know about him, but I am.

Family. When I was born, we were living in this old apartment that no one bothers to look at it for the second time where we were the happiest family in the world. =) After one year, we moved to this common house where everything was great. Just great. =) After ten years, we moved to this current house I am staying at where everyting is starting to fade away. Well, I guess the older you get, the looser the relationship between your family and you. All I want is to have a dinner with family in the dining room like how we used to have, but I don`t know when my dream will come true since everyone is busy with their life.

BFFs. Joanne, Sarah, Saktia and I were always together. The four of us only. Parties, sleepovers and recesses, but now, Saktia is with Su Ann and Sarah is with me. Well, we are still friends, but that feeling is not there anymore. To be honest, the relationship between Shivani and I is stronger than the relationship between Joanne, Sarah, Saktia and I. What can I say? I miss that feeling I used to felt. I remember how we used to promise each other we will stick to each other forever. Bullshit. How to do that when we already breaking up?

Look. I am sorry if I offended you, but I can`t measure up to this mess. I don`t have anyone to listen to my problems except my blog. After reading this post, don`t talk about it because I have enough. If you refused to, brain wash yourself.

Yours truly.

I am Carmen and cool to meet you, you good looking motherfucker. :D Okay. Let's get to business. I am sorry to say this, but I am self center which explains why most of the pictures in this blog are me, myself and I. :D Oh, and I love to do silly faces. :)